HetaOni: Letters to MonsterAlien Thingy
by HundredPercentHetalian
Summary: Are YOU a HetaOni lover? Are YOU a Monster-Alien Thingy hater? Well, let all your feelings come out with "Letters to Tony"! Please feel free to use as many cuss words as you like.
1. ATTENTION!

**A/N: I am a HUGE HetaOni Lover, and a HUGE Tony (the monster-alien thing from HetaOni) Hater. I REALLY needed to let all my anger at Tony go, and I guess that other HetaOni fans do as well. So, LET YOUR ANGER AND HATRED OUT PEOPLE!**

**This will be rated T, just in case…..**

**If you are a Hetalia/HetaOni Hater, GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW OR I WILL HAVE TO USE MY FRYING PAN/MACHINEGUN/MAGIC/RIFLE/SHOTGUN/SAMURAI SWORD/WHIP/BOW AND ARROW/AX/WATER FAUCET/ATOMIC BOMB ON YOU**

Rules for "Letters to Tony":

You will not write a whole letter than doesn't have anything to do with HetaOni. You may include things like that after you have yelled at Tony

Be aware that this is a letter to the monster-alien thing in HetaOni, not America's friend "Tony". HundredPercentHetalian just call him that because she feel like it

You will not be NICE to Tony. Well, you can, but why would you? He killed Hetalia characters

You may also send comments to the Hetalia characters. Feel free to express your love for Hetalia as well

You do not have to address it as "Dear Tony". You can also pick "Dear Tommy" (some people call him that), "Dear Monster-Alien Thingy", "Dear The-Thing-That-Doesn't-Even-Deserve-A-Name", or just plainly "Dear *insert cuss word here*". HundredPercentHetalian personally does not care

Since HundredPercentHetalian knows that a LOT of people would like a chance to throw cuss words at Tony, she will let you and rate this T. But she is also BEGGING you to not make this rated M

Please choose your words carefully and do not insult countries/people/groups/anything else that will be bad to insult. The only thing that is allowed to be insulted is Tony

Feel free to use any dirty words you know, but just know that there are about ten-billion people who can read this. HundredPercentHetalian will not be responsible for any people getting discriminated for using extreme words

Do not include anything about RomaHeta or HetaQuest or any other fan-made Hetalia videos. It destroys the part "HetaOni" if you do

HundredPercentHetalian would be pleased if you sign your name at the bottom, just like normal letters. Also, you do not have to sign it with your pen name; you can sign it as a country as well, such as "From Monaco", "From Bulgaria" or any state/country that isn't personified such as Ireland, California, Brazil. You make not sign it as a country that has been proven that they are at the mansion

List of names you cannot sign as:

Italy, Germany, Japan, Prussia, America, England, Canada, France, China, Russia, Romano, Spain, Austria, Hungary, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Belarus, Ukraine, Korea, Poland, Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Sweden, Finland

If you are signing it as a country/state, please make sure that there are no other people that have used that country/state. There will be only one Taiwan/Venezuela/Hong Kong/Jamaica and one Taiwan/Venezuela/Hong Kong/Jamaica only. Same for other countries/states

HundredPercentHetalian will not put any limits on word count. But extremely long ones will be very boring to read (unless you make it really interesting and exciting), so please just list the basic feelings

Your letter has to be at least 10 words long. You may not just post "Tony, I hate you." This shows that you lack interest, love and passion toward HetaOni. And creativity as well

You will MOST DEFINITELY NOT post something like ten lines saying "Die" or "I hate you" or anything else repetitively. This annoys other readers. We all know you hate Tony like crazy, but we're sure you can put it in a different way

HundredPercentHetalian won't mind if you include spoilers in your post. HundredPercentHetalian will not be responsible for anybody who just got the OMFG-I-just-got-spoilers shock. You should know that there will be people that will post spoilers, since HundredPercentHetalian just said that she'll allow it

You may cap-lock as much as you want. But too much can bother other reader's eyes

You may make it bolded/italicized/underlined

You may include cuss word in foreign languages (and by that we mean other than English). But please italicize the foreign words and put the translations at the very end

You may include battle cries such as "DIE TONY DIE!" (This is HundredPercentHetalian and her HetaOni fangirl friend's HetaOni fangirl battle cry. Feel free to use it)

Please try not to leak personal information. HundredPercentHetalian will not be responsible for any people that got damaged due to leak of personal information

If you don't know what HetaOni is, don't post "What's HetaOni?" This hugely bothers true HetaOni fans. Go look it up on YouTube

There is a reason your computer as a "Spell-check" button. Please use it

HundredPercentHetalian does not care how many paragraphs are in your letter. Write as much as you want to

You may include things that have to do with the original game "AoOni". It counts as it has something to do with "HetaOni"

There is a very good chance that Tony won't reply to you. Please remember that and do not go on a rampage screaming "That freaking Tony isn't replying to me dammit!"

HundredPercentHetalian apologizes for the long notice. You may go yell your heart out at Tony now

**A/N: I APOLOGIZE FOR THE 3-PAGE-OF-MICROSOFT-WORD-LONG-NOTICE! I just don't want this forum to be….discriminated, let's put it. Now, go enjoy making Tony feel bad.**

**HetaOni Fangirl Battle cry:**

**DIE TONY DIE!**


	2. Replies to Philippines and New Prussia

**A/N: Tony had enough guts to reply, that **_**bastardo**_**! (Bastard in Italian XD)**

**I apologize for taking so long to update…. An 8****th**** grader at the end of the school year has lots to do…. especially if you're taking piano, tennis, and Japanese prep school (with homework D:) at the same time. I'm gonna reply to those awesome letters in order, so please keep patient!**

**Monster-Alien Thingy sounds annoying and vicious…. But I swear, I don't sound like this! I'm just TRYING to make myself sound like that dang thing! Right guys? (Calls out to friends, CanDoAnythingNow and EatSleepHetalia) I don't usually sound this mean and cruel and bossy do I? DO I?**

**Let's get on with the replies! If the replies aren't what you expected, well, HundredPercentHetalian apologizes. She'll even throw herself in the damn mansion. Oh wait, that's more like a reward for me, so I can go kick that damn monster-alien's ass XD! (Someone fetch me a machinegun or a katana!)**

**This one's for vocagirl, slash Philippines and APH Bermuda, slash New Prussia!**

Dear Tony-Wait never mind, I can't call you Tony. Kuya America's alien friend is Tony. So let's see... What's a good name for yo- Oh! I got it! I'll call you Steve.

Dear Steve,

Hoy! I'm used to seeing other magical creatures and what-not, but... I have to ask... What exactly /ARE/ you? And why do you eat /COUNTRIES/? Really, man, why would you want to eat them? You can be like us and eat regular food, like fish, rice, pork, and all those other foods! You can't just go ahead, trap the nations in your house with your...err.. brothers and sisters(?),and eat them! And look! They're even /killing/ you and your... clones(?)! It would be better fir all of us if you changed your eating habits, Steve!

~The One And Only; The Philippines!

* * *

><p>Dear, the Philippines<p>

You might not know this, but human/countries actually taste very good, better than all those disgusting food that you "Humans" eat! Why don't you try eating countries as well? Oh wait, might as well just go eat YOURSELF. And yes, I CAN go trapping nations in my mansion and eat them. I own this mansion. I can do whatever I want to do in this place. Plus, I'm not human so their "laws" don't work on me! In your face! I will warn you that you are doing a foolish thing to warn me. Also, STEVE? What kind of a stupid name is that? Seriously? You have awful naming skills next to… Finland or whatever his name was. I mean, he named his puppy "Bloody Floweregg". Really.

P.S. Why would I want to tell you what I exactly am? Oh yeah, so you can go find out my weak points other than my forehead! …don't… aim your attacks at my forehead…

From, Steve (ugh…)

* * *

><p>Dear Steve,<p>

W-what are you anyways. Why are you trying to trap nations in your creepy UNAWESOME house?

~New Prussia,

* * *

><p>Dear, New Prussia<p>

My. Mansion. Is. Awesome. And I won't tell you what I am. Ha, so there. And I am trapping nations in my house, so I can live. It's called survival of the fittest, you Prussia wannabe. (Soon, you'll disappear like that red-eyed albino did as well)

From, Steve (Why do you people call me in that UNAWESOME name?)

**A/N: Thank you for your letter vocagirl and APH Bermuda! I apologize if you are like, "WHAT? That is SO FREAKING SHORT!" I'm so sorry…. if anything insulted you as well. It wasn't me that insulted you. It was Steve! BTW, Steve is an awesome name for monster-alien thingy XD THANK YOU SO MUCH! (Cries from feeling graceful) I mean, I just made this for fun and I didn't think so many people would reply to this…. Once again, THANK YOU! I'll keep working on the other replies as soon as I can!**


	3. Replies to British Columbia, Riga, Tony

**A/N: Next update! I was actually able to work on it faster, so I guess it was pretty quick? Oh wait, I updated it in the same day as my first reply! I don't know what happened…. I made the replies to the first one and it was so fun that I just kept working on it…. XD **

**Monster-Alien Thingy sounds just like last time. **_**Cazzo**_** you Monster-Alien Thingy! (F*** in Italian XD)**

**Yes, I changed the title, since apparently, so many people refuse to call him Tony XD Monster-Alien Thingy fits it better! I mean, does that thing even deserve a name? :I**

**This one is a reply to Albinina slash British Columbia, and Ru Tsuna slash Riga slash Tony!**

Tony,

Bwahahaha! You're nothing compared to my dad! He's so stealthy, you didn't even notice him when he was pretending to be a piano right in front of his nose. Not even Japan is as ninja as Canada!

Just you watch, you Ao Oni wannabe. My dad and his friends are gonna go postal on you like it's the Stanley Cup finals!

Signed,

British Columbia

* * *

><p>Dear, British Columbia<p>

I… did that on purpose, damn you. Of course I noticed him! I can see EVERYTHING. Feel graceful that I didn't kill your half-transparent dad there! I was trying to make the "game" go on longer! It's not exactly fun if it doesn't last long you know? There was this one time where I killed off almost all of them in the first ten minutes or something, and it wasn't very entertaining. So there.

P.S. Not even all those Stanley Cup Finals Players can kill me! I'll just eat 'em all up, hockey stick, uniform and all!

Signed, Tony

* * *

><p>Dear thing-that's-too-despicable-to-be-America's-awesome-alien-friend-Tony,<p>

Okay, why did you eat my brother? Spit him out right now, you motherfucker!

- Riga

Sorry,I got nothing else for Riga,however...

Hello Cousin,

Goddammit! I told you not to fucking do this anymore,you bastard! You said it yourself,"I will not kill any more humans and/or the Nations." You signed the contract! And now look what you do!

You already have a bad reputation with us,but you're making it worse. Apparently cleaning up your act doesn't fly with you. You can't just do whatever you want. So guess what? I am fucking positive that the Countries will give you your just desserts. When they're done beating you up,killing your minions,and GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF THAT MANSION, I will personally come over there,arrest you,and BLOW YOUR PRECIOUS FUCKING MANSION TO BITS. You'll go back to the Dimensional Prison, where you belong.

You're a terrible image of our kind. You're a disgrace.

- Tony

Ru: The Dimensional Prison is like the Alcatratz for Tony's kind.

* * *

><p>Dear, Riga<p>

Why would I wanna spit you brother out? He tastes delicious. By the way, which one's your brother? I have so many people at my mansion now, I'm losing whose family with who. And *beeeep* right back at you.

Signed, thing-that's-too-despicable-to-be-America's-awesome-alien-friend-Tony (Why would I wanna be that damn alien cousin?)

* * *

><p>Dear, Cousin<p>

BUTT. OUT. OF. MY. BUISNESS. This has nothing to do with you. I don't care about your damn fat country friend. Oh yeah, and the contract? RIIIIIIIP! Ha! In your face cousin! And why should I care about my family reputation? I do what I want to do. Also, yeah, like those countries will EVER defeat me. I'll go kill them all, including Italy=Veneziano! And after I'm done killing the ones in the inside, I'll kill the ones at the outside! Then I'll get out of my mansion and go kill every single human and country in the world! And after I'm done taking over planet Earth, I'll kill ALL the other species of aliens and take over the universe! So get outta my face cousin, or I'LL throw YOU in Dimensional Prison. Let's see how you'll like it!

YOU'RE a terrible image to our kind. YOU'RE a disgrace.

From, your whole- lot-better-than-you cousin

P.S. Now start minding about your own butt or I'll tattletale to your father how you were the one who blew up his huge cruise-spaceship when you were 10 Andromeda-Galaxy-years old. You were lucky I didn't tell him before or he would've abandoned you in a Black Hole. You owe me cousin.

**A/N: Thank you Albinina and Ru Tsuna! I am wiped…. I need to go get some sleep DX I made that part up when Monster-Alien Thingy was talking about that time where "He killed most of them off in the first ten minutes". I hope that never happened… Anyway, thank you for your letters! I'll keep working on it! **


	4. Replies to Jersey and Virginia

**A/N: Yay, next update! (Going all hyper from eating two éclairs shaped like Mickey Mouse XD) Monster-Alien Thingy's getting more and more annoyed by the second! I'm happy! Go die in a hole you **_**Arschloch**_** (Asshole in German XD)! **

**This one is a reply to 78294 slash Jersey and my well-known good (more like best) friend, CanDoAnythingNow slash Virginia!**

Dear... weird alien thing that looks like a gorilla.

iMon Dieu/i, Why do you want to eat big bro England? I mean sure he's annoying and can't cook but i didn't think he or the other nations would taste very nice!

hahahahaha they are gonna pwn you, weird alien thing! and are you related to Tony cause you look like America's friend.

OH AND ALSO!

You should just go die somewhere and give them the key to get out! You had better answer me Mr Alien thing! You should also make your house more interesting, cause it's all White and light brown and boring and stuff, iOui?/i hahaha.

Lastly~ You're evil you made Iggy go blind! Now Big bro England can't see me! :O

-The biggest&best Channel Island, JERSEY!

PS: Mon Dieu - My God, Oui - Yes. In case you don't know French, weird alien thingy.

* * *

><p>Dear, Jersey<p>

I want to eat your older brother because I need to survive, duh. And yes, I am related to that damn cousin of mine. Not like I wanted to. And to actually think that those puny countries can defeat me? You minor countries and states must be out of your mind. Do you even know how many minions I have? AND MY MANSION IS INTERESTING ENOUGH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Do you see a mansion that has a killer monster in it every day? I guess not.

From, weird alien thing that looks like a gorilla (I'm proud of my looks dang you)

P.S. Do you think I even care about making that magician blind? Plus, it wasn't my fault. He shouldn't have acted alone. Well, I'm happy 'cause of it, so why care right?

* * *

><p>Dear Steve,<p>

Give me my family back. I will come and destroy you with my fifty-District of Columbia is included-siblings.

If I don't get them back...

You had your warning.

Virginia

PS: I'm pretty sure Quebec and all the territories of Canada would love to help us. Not to mention all the other British isles/Celtic nations.

* * *

><p>Dear, Virginia<p>

Look you unobedient state, you can try and destroy me with your entire family along with Quebec, British isles and Celtic nation, but you will NEVER defeat me. I'll just eat up all of you. Along with your obese father or older brother or whatever America is to you. And your warning is like nothing to me. If you want to come get me, why don't you? I'll enjoy having 50 more plates on my dinner table.

From, Steve (Stop calling me that!)

**A/N: Thank you to 78294 and CanDoAnythingNow! Oh, and a special thank you for your knowledge, CanDo XD I guess we can't bold/underline/italicize in reviews XD I believe that if we can get 1,000 people to raid that bitch of a mansion, we can rescue everyone and kill Monster-Alien Thingy. WHO WANTS TO JOIN?**

**Forum to join "Monster-Alien Thingy Killing Party" is about 1,000,000 miles away from you.**

**JK! XD I'll keep working!**


	5. Replies to Vatican City and Missouri

**A/N: Okay, next replies! Sorry for the delay…. Started working on other FFs when I have like, 5 other unfinished ones ToT**

**Same disclaimers as usual.**

**This one is relies to Vatican City and OneGirlStudio slash Missouri!**

**Let's do this!**

dear f***er, if you even think that you can get away with torturing my brothers and my friends like that you're going to face the wrath of god, assassins, and the mafia and also me in dark/insane/hysterical mode.

-sincerely Vatican City

Dear, Vatican City

* * *

><p>I DO think that I can get away with torturing your friends and families. Look, I do what I want to do, and you have absolutely no right to butt in, alright?<p>

Wrath of God – He can't do anything to me. If he was able to, something must've happened to be in the past worlds won't it?

Wrath of Assassins – I'll assassinate them right back.

Wrath of Mafia – They are most absolutely useless.

Wrath of You – I'll just eat you right up with all your precious family and friends!

From, F***er

* * *

><p>Dear... you know what? You don't deserve that title; let's try again:<p>

Asshole,

LEAVE. MY. DAD. ALONE. Really, you are just digging your own grave here; you DO realize that since word has gotten out about how you KIDNAPPED the nations of the world. Your mansion is going to get nuked. And please refrain from touching my family, I can be VERY TOLERANT. But if you kill my dad one more time... I will not hesitate to nuke your mansion.

Why the hell are you such a sadistic ^&%? What the hell are you?

And also, DO YOU SOMEHOW MAKE THEM ALL STUPIDER? I mean, this entire mess can just be avoided; I they have people on the OUTSIDE. AND THE IS A HOLE. THAT USED TO HAVE A ROPE (that you burned out by the way you bastard!) Why the bloody hell can't they just go to town and BUY ANOTHER ROPE LATTER? How have you made my family/friends retards? Buuut the point is that I am going to kick your fat ugly gry scone ass. Be prepared.

Signed with all the hate in the world,

Missouri (America's daughter you ASSWHIP.) Along with all 49 of his other sons and daughters.

* * *

><p>Dear, Missouri<p>

Look, I don't care what you think, I personally like doing this. It's entertaining than roaming around in the mansion all day, looking for stuff to do. Plus, you CAN'T nuke my mansion. If you can, don't you think the other nations would've tried it already? I'll be glad to kill your fat dad one more time.

I'M. NOT. BEING. SADISTIC. I'm just doing this to live, damn it.

And no, I don't make them stupider. They're stupid from the start, aren't they? They stepped into my mansion. Being idiots.

I'll kick YOUR butt right back and then sauté you and eat you right up with all your brothers and sisters.

From, Asshole

**A/N: Thank you for your review, Vatican City and OneGirlStudio! Wow, I'm feeling a lot of hate in these letters…. I'm really glad I made this now. ….wait WHAT?**


	6. Replies to Belgium, Iona Island, Taiwan

**A/N: Yay, more replies! Wha…m-more than 15 reviews? I wasn't expecting this… (O_O;)**

**MonsterAlien Thingy is starting to piss me off even more… why can't it go die in a damn hole, that **_**Scheiße**_**? (Shit in German XD)**

**This time, it's replies to slash Belgium, HetaOni Lover slash Iona Island, and my good (more like great) friend EatSleepHetalia slash Taiwan! **

Dear Steve,

I wanna know a few things about you; were you always a monster-alien thingy? If you weren't, please tell me what you were before and a brief summery of your life! Also, why must you eat humans? Is it the only thing you can eat? Last question, why did you let Italy live when you could of eaten him?

-Belgie

* * *

><p>Dear Belgium,<p>

Why must I reply to your questions? They're all invading my privacy. Seriously, don't you people don't know privacy? Ten countries just come crashing into my mansion, disrespecting personal property. And no, countries AREN'T the only thing I can eat. I can eat normal stuff. I just choose not to, okay? And lastly – I DIDN'T EAT ITALY=VENEZIANO BECAUSE I DIDN'T. Happy now? 'Cause I sure am not.

From, Steve

* * *

><p>Dear, Whatever-you-are-that-doesn't-even-deserve-to-live<p>

You give me back Big Bro England RIGHT NOW or you will suffer a WHOLE lot of consequences. Why the hell are you eating countries? It makes absolutely no sense. Horrible diet. I'm sure trolls will taste better (no offence Norway). What matters is, you are hurting my family physically and emotionally, and us as a family will no longer put up with it. You better step down right now, or I will raid your stupid mansion, along with Big Bro Scotland, Wales, Ireland, Northern Ireland, and Little Sealand. Do NOT touch England, America, or Canada ever again. And others as well (even France). I'm warning you. YOU. WILL. SUFFER.

Signed with all damn hate, Iona Island

P.S. GIVE BACK ENGLAND HIS SIGHT NOW!

* * *

><p>Dear, Iona Island<p>

I would LOVE to give you back your annoying blonde snappy brother. He annoys me more than Italy=Veneziano. Stupid magician…. But I'm not gonna because then that's not gonna make anything fun. And seriously people, I EAT COUNTRIES BECAUSE I WANT TO. Any other reason you guys need? And I'm quite positive trolls taste HORRIBLE (meaning a lot of offence to Norway). By the way, your family is no match to me. No matter who you bring, YOU CAN'T DEFEAT ME. So why don't you give up already and go back to your home where all those disgusting scones are?

From, Whatever-I-am-that-doesn't-even-deserve-to-live (well, thank a lot!)

P.S. It wasn't MY fault the British lost his sight. It was his own fault and he deserved it. So there. Look on the bright side, he can't cook anymore. No more food poisoning. Yay.

* * *

><p>Dear THE-BLOODY-BASTARD-THAT-IS-JUST-SADISTIC,<p>

Gimme back Big Brother Japan! You can eat Big Brother China and if you're willing to get indigestion, Korea. But don't you dare hurt Japan in any way! If you do, I'm going to attack you together with Philipines and all the other countries of the world! We'll send the Greek cat army even if needed!

very pissed off

Taiwan

* * *

><p>Dear, Taiwan<p>

Well, your letter sure told me you care about your family. And too bad, I'm gonna eat Japan and China anyway. They're very easy to eat since they're both so small. And yeah…I'm not gonna risk indigestion by eating Korea. I still have all the OTHER countries I have to eat! And yeah, come get me with your allies. What are you gonna fight me with? Boba? I'm sure that makes a GREAT weapon.

Yeah, Greek Cat Army. SCARY.

From, THE-BLOODY-BASTARD-THAT-IS-JUST-SADISTIC (I'm sure you're more sadistic than me, Asian)

~Not part of letter~

Fail EatSleep! You spelled Philippines wrong XD

**A/N: Thank you , HetaOni Lover and EatSleepHetalia! That's it for this time! (Waiting for reviews to top 20)**


	7. Replies to EU, Colorado and Virginia

**A/N: I TOTALLY apologize for the late update. Monster-Alien Thingy started to refuse to reply the letters. I think he got depressed with all the hate he's getting. Don't worry. I shoved a pen in his hand and made him reply anyway. I don't damn care if he's going in depression.**

…**okay, I lied. I'm sorry. I'm a horrible procrastinator (With eight other unfinished fanfic on my hands) and summer without summer school isn't exactly helping. **

**Whoa, reviews topped 30? I'm feeling the hate here guys! :D**

**So this one is for NONAMESWEREAVAILABLE slash European Union, Colorado, and CanDoAnythingNow slash Virginia! (Who so kindly replied to Monster-Alien Thingy's reply. Thank you!)!**

Dear Mr. Monster-

WHERE THE HECK DO YOU AND ALL YOUR FREAKY MONSTER BUDDIES COME FROM? You have to have come from SOMETHING. Don't worry, I won't kill it if you tell me. Maybe. This is just out of curiosity.

~ EUROPEAN UNION, MOTHERFUCKER. ((Uh...can I do that? If not, "MURDEROUS FANGIRL"))

* * *

><p>Dear, European Union<p>

Do you REALLY thing I'm that dumb to tell you where I make all my army? That's like, America blabbing where he stores his nuclear weapons to the whole world or something. And you're actually the first person who mentioned not killing me. Gosh, what did I ever do? I just killed countries. And I'm not human. Laws don't apply to me.

From, Mr. Monster (THANK YOU for the name that I actually approve)

* * *

><p>Dear, Marvin (The name Steve is too good for you, so I picked Marvin.)<p>

Alright, you've gone too far! The States are going to kick your ass!

So don't even touch my dad! You don't wanna mess with Colorado!

And you certainly don't wanna mess with all 50 of us, right?

Right.

And another thing:

Oh, you want to eat countries? I hope you don't mind putting on extra weight, fatty. Yeah, that's right! An American state called you fat! There's more where that came from!

Fatty fatty who doesn't ever go outside. Just stays in his mansion all day, eating countries. Great lifestyle, bro.

And Dad, if you're reading this (for some reason...)

Good luck out there. We're rooting for you!

-Colorado

* * *

><p>Dear, Colorado<p>

50 states don't scare me, dumbass. And you don't scare me either. I'll eat you up with all your other 49 brothers and sisters. Hey, cheer up! You'll meet your dad in my stomach, yeah? Possibly dead, of course. You'll probably be dead in my esophagus. And believe me, my esophagus is long.

YOU'RE the one to call me fat. Tell that to your father. Seriously, he has too much fat in him that he's a little unhealthy for my diet. Get him to go jogging or pulling a truck every day or something.

And my lifestyle's amazing, thank you very much. Chasing around countries in my mansion cuts a lot of calories. Much more than what you Americans do.

From, Marvin (STOP GIVING ME STUPID NAMES!)

* * *

><p>Dear, Colorado<p>

I read your letter son! Nice girl snatched the letter from the Monster and gave me a chance to write! I appreciate all your help, but STAY out of the mansion. We're doing fine in here. Well, if we take out the fact that your Uncle England (He technically IS my older brother although I don't like to admit it) kinda lost his sight….and Uncle Canada (He IS my brother) is all depressed a little…but we're doing fine. Just fine!

Tell all your brothers and sisters that their father is doing great and they have no need to worry! And guess what? I think I'm losing weight from all that running!

From your father, United States of America

P.S. Tell California to do something about her taxes. Congress is going in chaos here.

* * *

><p>Dear Steve,<p>

You had it coming.

You have one week.

Unobedient? HA! That's an understatement-you're talking to the former Confederate States of America, second to one. Do you want to deal with us? OVER FIFTY of us? United we stand, divided we fall; we are united and you will fall.

~The Commonwealth of Virginia

PS: There are seventy of us. How many are you?

PSS: Wales is bringing Torchwood; you're screwed.

* * *

><p>Dear, Virginia<p>

You are getting on my LAST NERVE. I didn't ask you to reply to me, and yet you did. I have enough letters to reply to, and here you are, nagging me about how great your father is. And Confederate States of America disappeared for a reason, you idiot. It doesn't scare me.

And I'll LOVE to make you fall divided. I'll eat your brothers and sisters up one by one. And remind me to make you the last, okay? I'd love to see the terror on your face when I get to you.

From, Steve (Get outta my face)

P.S. Why would I tell you how many of us there are?

General Robert E. Lee: Hey Ulysses, tell me how many armies you got right now, will you?

General Ulysses S. Grant: Oh sure, I'd love to tell you and get my butt whipped!

Yeah, would you like that to happen? I don't think so.

P.S.S. Kindly tell Wales that his freaking torch wood will get crushed into pieces if he doesn't get his butt out of my business right now. I don't care if his little brother is that annoying pesky English.

**A/N: That's it for this time! **

**A LOT of apologies if I insulted anyone/anywhere/someone that you love. **

**Oh, and thanks to CanDoAnythingNow! I'd like you to reply again XD Steve will probably explode, and I'd love to see that happen! **

**Until next time, Monster-Alien Thingy haters!**


	8. Replies to Tokyo, Moscow, London

**A/N: FINALLY got time to get in front of my computer without my parents nagging me…**

**This one is replies to Tokyo, Moscow and London!**

Dear, BakaAhoDojiManuke  
>You give us back Nihon-san RIGHT NOW, I will bring along all other prefectures in Japan, including Miyagi-kun (who just got hit by an earthquake) and Fukushima-san (Who has Nuclear Power Plant Problems)and attack your freaking mansion.<p>

I KNOW that we swore never to have war again, but we never swore that we won't have war against something like YOU. So, this. Is. War. Get ready to face the wrath of the Japaneses. We seem quiet and all, but you hurt one of us and we will crush you until there's nothing left, like the time America-san Nuclear Bombed Fukuoka-san and Nagasaki-chan.

I am warning you as a representative of all Japaneses.

Get away from Nihon-san. And America-san. And Chuugoku-san. And all the others.

Or else.

Shiniyagare, kusoyarou.

From, Tokyo

Baka - Stupid

Aho - Dumb

Doji - Clumsy

Manuke - Jackass

Nihon - Japan

Chuugoku - China

Last line - Go die, shitdude

* * *

><p>Dear, Tokyo<p>

Yeah, heard about the "Problems" you're having. Now you're weaker than ever, so I guess it's a great time to start eating the lot of you up. And I already have countries attacking my mansion. They can barely do anything. I was even almost able to eat Latvia, when that guy who talks like a girl and his friend stopped me, damn it.

You're declaring war? AGAINST ME? You gotta be kidding. You're nothing compared to the American States (They are SO annoying). Wrath of Japaneses. Sounds very scary, all right.

You see, when someone tells me to get away from their family, I do the opposite. Why don't you try reverse phycology on me? Oh wait, it wouldn't work anyway.

From, BakaAhoDojiManuke (You TOTALLY sound like a abstain Japanese)

* * *

><p>Shithead,<p>

WHY DID YOU EAT MY DADDY!

Auntie Belarus and the others are gonna get you good so be prepared for the hardest beating you will ever get from all 194 nations. NEVER mess around with Papa Russia or you will get a nuclear missile sent with hate from me, Moscow. So question time, why live in tiny mansion and eat innocent nations when you can just fly to another galaxy and eat their beings?

Hate, missiles, and other things that can cause you A LOT OF PAIN,

Moscow

* * *

><p>Dear, Moscow<p>

I ate your daddy because I wanted to. Any other reason you need?

And your Aunt…I'll admit, she scared me first. I mean, the AURA. But not anymore. I'll eat her AND your other Aunt (Ukraine, was it?) and then you, and then all the other 194 countries.

And I choose not to go to other planets and galaxies because Earth has the weakest beings, and they taste really good.

From, Shithead (Thanks a lot)

* * *

><p>Dear Mr. Alien…thing,<p>

I believe you don't deserve any of the respect that I just gave you, but for the sake of my father and his friends, I'm going to kindly ask you to FUCK. OFF. I don't care that Father says a proper young lady shouldn't cuss, but I deem this situation quite appropriate for such language.

Don't you realize that they have their people, and cities to take care of? Believe me, I would know. I've had to try and take care of this island all on my own, and I don't know how Father does it without going mad. Bloody Hell! I can only imagine how America's 50 states are handling things, you git!

I can't help but wonder what posses you to do such horrid things. Did it have to do with your childhood or something? Not that it matters, because the cause will never excuse your actions; not only in mine, but the eyes of every country and capitol that is eagerly waiting for their return.

I would like to warn you, in hopes you will be chilled to the bone, that I have the key to my Father's basement. You know, where he keeps all his spell books? I was restraining myself from cursing you for a long time, until I heard you actually killed them. You arsehole, you're going to be doomed to a fate far worse than hell when I'm through with you!

Your Worst Nightmare,

~London

* * *

><p>Dear, London<p>

You're acting like a true lady, aren't you? I can see where you get it from.

And I'm sure living as countries aren't that hard. If it was, then they won't come waltzing in a random mansion, will they? They should have work to do. And more divided you guys are the better for me!

Now, if you want your father back, COME GET IT. He lost his sight, the front door won't open, and my army is guarding the outside. I'd love to see how you try.

Your father's basement is like a playground to me, stupid. MY father know more horrid things that will make you scream in mercy and cry like a baby. …Okay, I guess I DID have something in my childhood. But not like that matters.

And just to point it out, I don't believe in hell. Such thing does not exist.

From, Mr. Alien…thing

**A/N: Now THAT was fun XD**

**So many people are screaming hate at the Monster! I like it! (Shoves more letters at Monster's face).**

**See you next time!**


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